and I'd give anything to change what's up ahead
by The Crownless Queen
Summary: Sirius knows the boy he'll fall in love with from the moment he turns five. Seer!Sirius AU, fix-it, for merlinspants394.


**and I'd give anything to change what's up ahead**

Sirius knows the boy he'll fall in love with from the moment he turns five.

It's a thing he does, knowing events before they happen. Sometimes it comes in his dreams – fragments or shades of events yet to come – others when he's wide awake and spots a flash of _something_ at the corner of his eyes.

It's how he knows that no matter how proud his family is of his powers right now – and they are, because Seers are rare and since it's passed down by blood, it supposedly showcases the strength of their family – they'll never be able to mold him into the perfect pureblood Heir they want.

It's how he knows that the day he enters Hogwarts and get Sorted into Gryffindor instead of the expected Slytherin is the day his family will start blaming his 'gift' for this and finding ways to try to get rid of it, and how he knows that he'll leave them behind when he turns sixteen before they manage to kill him in a misguided effort to save him.

 _(it's hard sometimes though, because he doesn't only see what will become but also what could be, and there are so many ways he could be accepted, if only his family chose to, even if those possible futures always show up in bleak images, as if to tell him they're the less likely to happen)_

It's how he knows about the Marauders – the best friends anyone could ask for – years before they're even formed, but most importantly it's how he knows about Remus.

 **.x.**

Remus is his favorite thing about the visions. He features in almost everything Sirius sees from the moment he starts studying at Hogwarts, even if what he sees doesn't always makes sense yet, and he's everything Sirius never knew he wanted.

He's kind and funny, and sometimes seems so awkward Sirius can't help but smile at the thought that someday he'll get to rib the other boy for that in person.

He's the bookworm of their group, the studious one, the one who takes their prank ideas and makes them feasible.

But more than the flashes of Remus he gets – a smile as warm as the sun, a laugh that seems to last forever, their hand intertwined and tears as a terrible secret is revealed (he doesn't know what it is yet, but Sirius is sure it can't be anything bad because it's _Remus_ ), among hundreds of others – what stays with him are the impressions, the feelings he can all but taste.

And that's how he knows he'll love Remus – loves him already, in a way, because how could he not, when he feels today what he'll feel in the years to come, diluted as those feelings may be.

 **.x.**

There's another reason why his visions of Remus are his favorites though, and it's nothing anywhere near as nice as love.

 _(or maybe that's all it is, because everything else pales in comparison to this future he knows he can have, knows he might have)_

Sometimes, the visions he gets are terrifying and painful.

Sometimes, he can't stand to look at his brother's face because he can only see him screaming as he drowns (he refuses to let Regulus go anywhere near water for the longest time, and no one understands why), and there are mornings the face he sees in the mirror is so horribly gaunt it can't possibly be his.

On every Halloween, there's a chill that settles deep in his bones and refuses to leave for days, sapping everything colorful and beautiful in the world.

The visions he gets aren't always exactly helpful either, since they're mostly snippets of what's to come with no context – the only reason he's been able to mostly figure out a timeline of the visions he got about Hogwarts is because the people in them always have different heights – and when they're not, they always show him something so imminent he has no chance of stopping it.

Not that it stops him from trying, of course.

 _(one time, there's a wizard finishing his meal at the Leaky Cauldron, and when Sirius sees him stand up to leave, he just knows that the man will never come out of the Floo alive – some kind of accident, with a lot of smoke and fire)_

 _(he saves the man but someone else dies in his stead, and Sirius learns that some things can't be changed)_

 **.x.**

At Hogwarts, Sirius is maybe the only first year who never gets lost.

When people ask about his secret, Sirius only smiles, and shakes his head. "It wouldn't be a secret if I told you, now would it?"

For all that his family was proud to call his gift theirs, they also never divulged it to any outsider, and for that Sirius is more grateful than he'll ever know how to express.

His cousins, the only ones who do know about it, seem to enjoy lording this secret over the curious' heads too much to talk, and though Sirius is considering sharing his secret with his friends, something in him tells him to wait just a little longer.

It does make him a great look-out for all the pranks the Marauders pull – Sirius is the one to suggest the name a few months into their first year, and maybe it's cheating considering the only reason he thinks of it is because he already knows it'll be their name, but he doesn't think anyone will ever care – and his friends learn to rely on his uncanny ability to the Quidditch scores (it's a good way to win easy money, and though neither James nor Sirius need it, Remus and Peter do, even if they'll never admit it).

James is the brother Sirius always wanted – and yes, he does feel guilty sometimes, for leaving Regulus behind, but Sirius never has any horrifying vision when he looks at James' face, and there's something delightfully freeing about that – and Peter is the quiet friend who may never have the most outstanding ideas, but on whom you can always rely when you need to.

And Remus… Well, Remus is everything Sirius knew he would be.

 _(except for the werewolf part – somehow, Sirius never sees that coming)_

 **.x.**

It's kind of disturbing at times, to know so much about people who don't know him yet.

Sirius guesses it's all part of being a Seer, though he doesn't really know much about that – no one in his family was really into Divination and though there's an elective at Hogwarts for it, from what he's heard of it Sirius thinks he'd probably be better off researching on his own.

Considering he hates researching anything he doesn't actually have to, that's saying something.

He's also glad he doesn't know everything though, because otherwise what would the point of living his life be?

 _(and doesn't that just shines an awful light on all the stories about the tragic fates of Seers Sirius has read or heard about?)_

He'd have appreciated some warning about Remus' secret beforehand though, other than the general idea of 'he has a secret he thinks is terrible'.

Because he had seen Remus telling them about it, Sirius had been happy to leave it well enough alone, but when James and Peter approach him with their concern he can't just turn them away, which is how Sirius ends up researching for anything that'd fit with all of Remus' weird habits, like disappearing once a month.

In the end, it's actually Peter who gives them the last clue by mentioning that Remus always seems to go missing around the full moon, and the revelation startles Sirius so much he forgets to breathe for a moment.

He fell in love with a werewolf (because there's been no denying that these feelings have been there for a long time, longer than he's actually known Remus in person), the monster in most of the children's stories he heard when he was a kid.

But it's _Remus_ , who'd never hurt a fly if he could help it, and it explains so much about their friends' awkward behavior whenever they include him in anything that the three Marauders present in the Library agree to share a silent pact to get Remus to believe he is worth everything any other wizard would simply get.

 _(consorting with a werewolf – Sirius' mother would be aghast, and that's always a sign Sirius is on the right path)_

But they know Remus' secret now, so it seems unfair for Sirius to keep his for himself.

When the next full moon comes around, they tell Remus that they know about him, and after everything plays out in the exact same way it did in that dream sequence Sirius saw ages ago, Sirius reveals his own secret.

That night, Sirius sees a stag, a rat and a dog running side by side with a wolf, and he has them researching Animagus from the next day on.

 _("Did you know then? About me, I mean," Remus asks soon after, when it's just the two of them._

" _Surprisingly enough, no, I didn't," Sirius answers with an uneasy shrug. "Seeing the future isn't all it's cracked up to be, you know," he jokes. "I just knew you had a secret you didn't want to share, not that it helped me much in figuring it out."_

 _Remus frowns. "Then why did you ever befriend me?"_

 _Sirius is aware that his look must be unbearably fond right now, but he can't help himself. "Don't you know?"_

 _Remus' answer is cut off by James and Peter's arrival, but that's okay. Sirius can wait._

 _After all, he kind of has an unfair advantage in this.)_

 **.x.**

Sometimes, Sirius can see Remus looking at him when he thinks Sirius' not paying attention.

Unfortunately for him, Sirius always pays attention to what Remus is doing – he can't actually stop, not with his gift showing him flashes of Remus' actions at the oddest times – and Sirius always makes sure to send a blinding smile his way whenever he can, if only to see Remus blush and duck his head.

Which is why Sirius' isn't surprised when, a few days after the Christmas of their fourth year, Remus approaches him.

"So… You like me?"

The declaration is ridiculous considering that Sirius is pretty sure he's been in love with this boy since he was a kid, and for half a second Sirius thinks about saying so but… no, not now. This isn't the time.

Sirius lets out a laugh that sounds almost like the bark of the dog he's slowly learning to turn into, and smiles.

"Yes, I like you." _I love you even,_ he thinks but doesn't say, _sometimes more than I know what to do with, and more than I think I'll ever love anyone else_.

"Well, I like you too," Remus admits in what looks like a sigh of relief. "Do you, maybe, want to come to Hogsmeade with me next week-end?"

"I'd be honored," Sirius replies with a smile so wide his cheeks are hurting.

 _(and then:_

" _So, will you be coming to pick me up on a white horse? Because I'm warning you, if we're dating, I expect us to go out in style."_

" _Sure, and maybe I'll get the first years to throw some rose petals and glitter your way too."_

" _Now that's an initiative I can appreciate. But do tell them to be careful with the glitter, it's a bitch to get out of the hair."_

" _Ugh, don't I know it. I swear I still find some on my pillow every few weeks."_

" _I'm pretty sure that's just James playing a trick on you."_

" _And you didn't tell me? Some boyfriend you are, Sirius Black."_

" _Well, I'm telling you now. Surprise?"_

" _You're the worst."_

" _Please, you love it."_

" _You know I do.")_

 **.x.**

They leave Hogwarts hand in hand, and Sirius has never been so uncertain about anything in his life.

Remus and the Marauders are the only things that feel right in his life – these days, nearly all the flashes he get from the future are dark and hopeless, like the war he can feel brewing on the horizon is destroying any hope of an actual future – but even they aren't quite enough to keep this icy certitude that things are about to go so very wrong at bay.

But he's not a Gryffindor for nothing, he wasn't Sorted into the House of the brave because he likes to cower at the first sign of danger.

No, as long as there's a glimmer of hope up ahead – and his visions tell him there is – he'll keep on fighting.

 _(part of him even suspects that he'd fight even if there wasn't, because some fights are bigger than you, and something tells him this is one of them)_

His gift is incredibly useful for the fighting, as it makes him into a formidable duelist once he learns how to keep focused despite the multiple flashes of pure possibility he sees at the corner of his eyes.

He tells Dumbledore – and only him – a few weeks after they join his Order, and for once Sirius actually feels useful, like what he can do is actually a gift instead of the curse he considers it half the time.

And despite the war going on, despite friends dropping like flies (they're losing, and nothing in Sirius' visions seems to be able to show him a way to reverse that tendency), despite all that, Sirius is happy.

James and Lily are married with a kid on the way – Sirius will be the best godfather that child could ever hope for – and Remus and him have moved in together.

It's not perfect but it's as close as it can be, and for a while Sirius thinks it might be enough.

 _(he never even sees Peter's treachery coming)_

 **.x.**

Dumbledore announces that they have a traitor in their midst, and Sirius doesn't miss the looks sent his and Remus' ways – he's a Black after all, and Remus is a werewolf. Who better to betray them than those naturally inclined toward the Darkness?

But Sirius knows better. He's no traitor and Remus isn't either – despite his powers' failings, he knows he'd _know_ if Remus was the traitor.

The dreams start that very week, snippets of conversations in dark corners at first, faces cloaked and voices too low to be recognized at first, and then images that get clearer and clearer until Sirius can no longer deny the truth.

 _(he sees terrible things then)_

 _(himself confronting Peter alone and dying in a shower of gore)_

 _(Peter selling them out to You-Know-Who and watching passively as James and Lily are killed, and Sirius thrown in Azkaban for the crimes of someone e thought was a friend)_

 _(the Order's Headquarters burning, and the screams, oh Merlin the screams)_

 _(Remus, always alone)_

His visions guide him to the one path he can live with, and he registers himself and James before denouncing anonymously Peter as an illegal Animagus.

It comes out during the trial that Peter's a Death Eater and Sirius makes sure to be there when they take him away, screaming frantic apologies that Sirius doesn't know what to do with.

It doesn't get any easier after that ("You knew," James accuses him exactly one time, as Lily and Remus try vainly to break up the resulting fight, until Sirius admits to the whole sordid story and they all end up drinking in a poorly masked effort to drown the memories), but it does get safer for the Order.

The next Halloween, You-Know-Who attacks the Longbottoms, and while he kills Frank's mother, Alice and Frank's son, Neville, is miraculous unharmed, except for a weirdly shaped scar on his forehead.

You-Know-Who disappears, and the war ends.

 _(over the next few years, Sirius has visions of objects he learns are Horcruxes, and the Order, previously disbanded, is tasked with their destruction)_

 _(by the time Sirius' godson starts Hogwarts, they're all gone and the future never seemed brighter)_


End file.
